Alchemy.

So, during the end of summer I was having some relationship/friendship/love/dating problems. (If you know me and the situation I was in, you understand.) Anyway! I was talking to my mom about it. I told her how confused I was on what was right or what to think. (This was in August, right before school started) My mom pulled out this newspaper clipping titled "Boyfriend's 'perfect' ex fuels women's insecurity"

Yeah, my reaction too.

It's this woman asking for advice from the 'advice lady' of the newspaper and she tells her about how her current boyfriend's ex was a really beautiful, perfect, and they have great chemistry between them and how he had a fear of her breaking up with him when they were dating, which she was going to do because she got tired of reassuring him and his insecurities. They broke up, whatever, and he's dating this advice seeking girl. He doesn't worry about her because she's a 'real girl'. Which can be interpreted as: Not as beautiful, and not likely to dump him for someone better.

...insecure little boy.

Moving on.

Here is the 'advice lady's' response: 


There are two ways to fall in love. One is to fall for the individual, and that can include looks, mannerisms, voice, beliefs, talents, education and a whole lot of very important attributes. 


The other way is to fall for what you and this other person create together. Seamless conversation, easy laughter, a need to explain yourselves that verges on zero, a mutual and rewarding sense of purpose, a lack of self-consciousness, emotional security, and both the knowledge that you can take this person for granted and the certainty that you don't want to, because you want to give as fully as you receive. 


The first kind of love (love on sight) lends itself to looking over one's shoulder for rivals. If I'm blown away by this beautiful/smart/compassionate person, the reasoning goes, then others will be, too... and one of them will have a lot more to offer than I do. It's a valid concern, since there's always someone better. 


The second kind of love is of far higher value than landing a model or an M.D. Think "alchemy". The transformation of common materials into something precious.


Now ask yourself which you love have, one of attributes, or of alchemy?


(Carolyn Hax, Honolulu Star, Friday 8/12/11, D6)


It's good, right? I had never thought about comparing relationships to 'alchemy' before. I mean 'alchemy' is taking Boron and making Gold or something. Like, how does that work in dating? Well, after reading the article I've decided that I want to find my eternal companion by 'alchemy'. ...Wow, that sounds weird.... There are tons of people that I have wonderful chemistry with.

Chemistry: A strong mutual attraction, attachment, or sympathy.

Which is great and all, but can only take you so far with that person.

Alchemy: A power or process of transforming something common into something special.

That's the kind of relationship I need, I want, I deserve. I love dance and I like acting and Theatre. I like the arts. But, now my future husband doesn't have to be a dancer or an actor. I just want someone that I can create with. Someone that can encourage my creativity and my well being to be my best and I can encourage theirs. Someone who will give as fully as they receive.

Someone that I just fit with.

I always like to think of things like puzzles. Like, when I'm choreographing I try different ideas til I find the right "fit". My best friendships are always the ones where the other person fills in what I'm missing and I fill in what they're missing. And because we fit in the missing parts of each other we are able to help, grow, improve, and strengthen each others weaknesses.


-Dr. Seuss 

Now, maybe I'm getting too deep with this, and maybe that's a lot to ask of someone, but it's how I feel. I feel like that's why Heavenly Father brings certain people together. To learn. To learn something about yourself that you didn't know before. To learn something that will benefit you in the future. To learn whatever it is that Heavenly Father may have in store for you.

Sometimes we learn about letting go for the better. Whether we want to be with them or not, 'alchemy' stands true that you can get through anything. Writing this blog post and reading through the 'alchemy' list, I find that my past relationships had somethings missing, and we didn't fill in for each other. I had a hard time letting a couple of them go. Felt myself going crazy. Good thing I stopped before I got any worse...

peace